


Learn to Let Go

by blossomwritesthings



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Inspired by Just for a Moment (Music Video), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Post-Break Up, Sad Ending, Vixx - Freeform, alternative universe, but then again, i am sorry for any heartbreak that you might experience while reading this..., it's meant to be sad and heartbreaking hehehe, lee jaehwan - Freeform, lee jaehwan angsty oneshot, lee jaehwan is a broken man in this what can i say??, some language, vixx ken angsty oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomwritesthings/pseuds/blossomwritesthings
Summary: *For a more enhanced reading experience, listen to Lee Jaehwan's song 'Just for a Moment.' *~To Lee Jaehwan, it had seemed like his one-year relationship with his girlfriend, Kim Jae-Yi, was going smoothly. But, of course, Jae-Yi thought differently - the opposite, it would seem.Just his luck, Jaehwan thought. That he would end up getting dumped over such a stupid thing as their 'futures.' How was he ever supposed to survive without seeing her face every day? Without feeling her touch? Without hearing her voice?Maybe the answer to all of those questions was that he wasn't supposed to; maybe, he wasn't supposed to survive such heartbreak.
Relationships: Lee Jaehwan | Ken/Original Female Character(s)
Collections: Insa Fic Collab





	Learn to Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> * ~ Reminder: ~ * 
> 
> PG-13: for some thematic elements, a lott of angst and relationship drama,  
> mentions of a break up and also some language as well. If you are not comfortable with  
> the following, please, stop reading here. Otherwise, enjoy! 

* * *

" _Let's break up_ ," the girl had said on that one, fateful day, to him. It was the beginning of spring, and the sky was filled with light gray clouds. It looked like it was about to rain. 

He looked on at her, and he could feel his heart stop - and fall into the pit of his stomach. He clenched his fists, tightened his jaw, blinked away the warm tears that were already starting to cloud his vision. 

She looked so beautiful; standing there, next to the bus stop that they had first met each other two years before at. They had grown up together in the same small town in the countryside of South Korea, and every day they would take the bus together to commute to their respective jobs. 

They had only been dating for a year at the time, but to Lee Jaehwan, it had felt like it had been an eternity since he had first met her on that one, hot summer day. He remembered everything from that time like it was yesterday. She was wearing a flowing, yellow blouse and black slacks, her chocolate-brown hair blowing in the gentle summer breeze. He had been wearing an outfit similar, but the only difference between the two was his white jacket. 

She had looked breathtaking standing there, with the late summer sunshine casting a warm glow against her beautiful, blemish-free skin. 

She was ethereal. 

She was amazing. 

She was everything that he had ever dreamed of in the person that he would love one day. 

She was his everything. 

" _What_?" Jaehwan asked, his voice slightly cracking in shock. 

His girlfriend of only one year, Kim Jae-Yi, looked back at him with fierce eyes. Something on her face had hardened. 

She looked cold... 

_Passive_. 

"I _said,_ let's break up, Jaehwan," she said her words with a little more finality this time. 

He had to fight against himself to keep from losing it in front of her. He had to fight back a sob.

_Fuck_ , he had to hold back a scream. 

"B-but, _why_?" 

She shrugged, looking to the right of her, before turning her gaze back on Jaehwan. "I just don't think it's going to work out between the two of us. We both have separate - and different - dreams, so I think that it's best if we part ways here...before things get... _complicated_." 

Jaehwan could feel his heart shatter into a million tiny little fragments at that moment. He frowned at her, his mind racing with thoughts and endless amounts of questions. 

"T-there's still so much I'd like to show you, like that famous river near the mountainside-" he began, but she quickly cut him off by a raise of her hand.

" _ Stop _ , Jae. I'm sorry, but it's over. I think it's better this way." She slowly came closer to him, reaching a hand out before placing it gently on his shoulder. "You should just forget about me, hmm? Find another girl to be happy with. I know I'm not the right one for you." 

_Oh, but how wrong she was,_ Jaehwan thought _._

He looked down at his shoulder, eyes filled with tears, and brows furrowed. He glanced at Jae-Yi's palm as it rested atop his shoulder. _"_ I-I can _change_ , Jae-Yi. What do you need me to do? I can do anything if you tell me to, I'll adjust anything in my life for you; I _swear_ I can. Just _tell_ me and I'll do it." He said every single one of his words with a little more desperation this time. And he truly meant every word that he spoke in that moment. He'd do anything - change anything - if it meant that Jae-Yi would continue to stay by his side. 

She shook her head firmly. " _No_ , Jaehwan. There's nothing you can do or say to change my mind. Let's just end it here, okay? On a...peaceful note." 

Jaehwan gazed up at her, biting his lip to keep from having an outburst right in front of her. He couldn't handle his stormy feelings, he couldn't handle all of his tormenting emotions right at that moment...he couldn't let her see him break down like that. 

_No_ , he had never let her see him like that before, and nothing - _not even a breakup_ \- was going to make him reveal that side of himself to her _now._

"I just don't understand," he whispered, his voice wavering with the inner-turmoil that he was currently feeling. 

"There's not much to understand. I just want to break up. It's simple as that." 

Jaehwan squinted his eyes, his cheeks flushing with sudden anger. And before Jae-Yi could say anything else, he stumbled back from her, shrugging off her touch in a rather harsh manner. 

_Thank_ _God_ there was a bus waiting there for him to board and go home at that very moment, otherwise, he might've just died staying there with the love of his life like that.

_No_ , she wasn't the love of his life anymore...she wasn't supposed to _be_ apart of his life anymore. 

But how could she just leave his heart behind like that? Is her job all that she cared about? Did she not think about how utterly heartbroken he'd feel if they broke up? 

Jaehwan sat down on a seat in the farthest part of the bus, and as the vehicle began to move away from the scene, he looked out one last time at her - at the girl, he had loved for so long but was too afraid of his feelings to say anything to. At the girl he had only started dating a year ago.

At the girl that dumped him because of their stupid ' _futures.'_

She looked at him through the bus's window, and even from there, he could detect the slightest change in her dark brown eyes. He could detect the tiniest fragment of regret. 

But before he could do anything about it, the bus rolled away and moved on. 

_So that's why she had asked me to meet her at that bus stop; she had wanted to break up with me_ , Jaehwan thought. _How ironic, that we broke up in the same place that we had first started dating at, a year before_. 

_How cruel of Jae-Yi to do something like that to him_. 

Jaehwan rested his head against the cold glass of the bus, closing his eyes and listening to the relaxing hum of the large vehicle. The dull spring sun was beginning to set as the bus drove him back to his own home. 

_The sky looked especially sad that day_. 

What had gone wrong? What had he done to make her want to leave him? Had he said something hurtful? Had he done something to make her upset with him? What _was_ it? Jaehwan thought their relationship was going smoothly. They got along with each other wonderfully and seemed to love each other a lot. They had never fought once in their entire time of knowing each other. 

But then again, who was to say that Jae-Yi was even _happy_ when she was with? Who was to say that she _didn't_ love him as much as _he_ loved _her_? 

Jaehwan was reminded of the times when they would play together outside of their village. Of how they would run around and chase after one another. Of how they'd pick wildflowers together in the summer, and how they'd find matching rocks near the riverbed and how they'd shape them into little hearts during the fall time. 

He was reminded of the times when they would sit together by the small river that ran just behind their village during the winter. Of how they would hold hands, talking late into the night. Of how they would look into each other's eyes lovingly, and how they would both laugh at Jaehwan's lame dad-jokes. 

Jaehwan loved Jae-Yi's smile. He loved her funny laugh, and the way her small dimple would make a showing whenever she was really happy. He loved the way her small hands fit perfectly in his, and how she would curl up into his arms late at night when they'd cuddle in bed together. He loved her soft voice, and how she'd whisper goodnight to him over the phone every single night. 

He was reminded of the time when they had been out walking in the rain during the springtime, and how he had held the umbrella high above her so that she wouldn't get wet. He remembered the way his left shoulder got soaked-through with rain as he walked beside her. 

But he didn't mind; he would do anything for _her_. 

He'd do _anything_ for the love of his life. 

Jaehwan was reminded of how after their stroll in the rain that one day, he had gotten worried that Jae-Yi had caught a cold. He would call her every single night and check her forehead's temperature every time he'd see her at the bus stop for a week after the incident. She always laughed at his excessive worrying over him, promising him that _no; she hadn't caught a cold and that she was fine_. 

He was reminded of the times when they'd be talking on the phone, late at night, and how her voice would suddenly change. He'd ask what was wrong, and she'd say nothing. But she was a bad liar, and finally, she would break down and tell him of her worries or problems of the day. 

And when they would see each other the next morning, Jaehwan would run-up to her and wrap his arms around her and give her his biggest, warmest hug. 

He never spoke during those delicate moments, when he was embracing Jae-Yi in a comforting way. He would let his actions speak volumes for how he felt.

He'd do anything in the world - give up anything - if it meant that Jae-Yi was happy and worry-less for the rest of her life. 

Jaehwan arrived home late that night. And as he entered his old country house, he trailed around the place like a phantom in the night; lost, and looking for a place to rest its tired head.

He sat down on his living room's couch, turning on the tv in front of him and slipping a disk into the DVD player. He watched the old tv screen as it turned on, the dull light filling the dark room. The only other light source came from the fire that was quietly burning beside him. 

The video playing on the tv left Jaehwan with a dull ache in his chest. He felt the familiar choke of a sob rise up in his throat, but he fought to keep himself from crying out in agony. He clutched at his shirt, feeling his heart tighten as he watched the all-to-familiar video. 

It was a video that he and Jae-Yi had taken together when they had first begun to date. They had gotten one of their mutual friends to film them during their daily lives for a couple of weeks to capture everything about their relationship. They both wore tiny microphones clasped onto their shirt's collars, that way whoever was watching the video could hear what they were saying to each other. The video showed their lives separately, and then it showed how they would always greet each other at the bus stop with a warm hug - _every single day_. Jae-Yi was laughing and smiling for the entirety of the video.

Everything seemed so... _perfect_. So why did it all fall apart so soon? And so abruptly?

"Jaehwan," Jae-Yi was saying in the video, and Jaehwan from the past looked up at her. She came over to him and wrapped her small arms around his waist, pulling him close to her warm body before moving her lips near one of his ears. 

" _I love you, Lee Jaehwan_ ," she whispered so softly, it sounded like an angel was speaking. 

A tear trickled down his face, and he clenched his fists at his side. " _I-I love you too, Jae-Yi_ ," he whispered back to the tv screen. 

It was almost like she was right there, saying those words to him once again. But _no_ , she wasn't there and this was all in the past now. 

_Oh, but how was Jaehwan ever going to live without her?_

How was he ever going to live without seeing her sweet smile?

Without hearing her soft voice whisper sweet nothings into his ears?

Without feeling her warm skin press against his in a feather-like manner?

Without seeing her beautiful face every single day? 

How in the world was he supposed to manage this heartbreak?

-

Jaehwan took a deep sigh, as he sat quietly on the bus. He was currently seated at the back of the large vehicle, and he was the only passenger left on the van. He had had a long day at work and was ready to get home.

He just wanted to fall on top of his bed and forget about everything - forget about all of the shit that had been happening to him for the past few months or so. 

_Frankly, he wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again_.

It had been three months since Jae-Yi had broken up with him. And finally... _finally_ , he was able to say that he was better than the time when she had practically dumped him at the bus stop. He was slowly healing from that traumatizing experience. 

Jaehwan knew deep down that he'd never get over her, but he could at least _try_ to heal from the incident - he could at least _try_ to live his life as best, and normal, as he could. 

Even if he _was_ just doing the bare minimum to survive. 

He looked out of the bus's window, and his eyes landed on a familiar figure. 

_Fuck, it was so familiar it hurt just to look at the person...to look at **her**. _

Jaehwan could already feel the tears coming on, the sting all-too-familiar. He could already feel his chest tighten, his heart pause in its steady rhythm of beats. He could already feel his palms begin to sweat in anxiousness. 

But before he could control himself - before he could think everything through sensibly - he was lurching forward off of his seat, pressing the bus's emergency-stop button, and leaping off of the vehicle like a crazy drunk deprived of his alcohol. 

She looked so fragile and delicate standing there, with the early summer's warm light casting a glow against her small frame. The sun had already begun to set a little while earlier, painting the sky in brilliant soft tones of pinks and oranges. 

Jae-Yi looked like an angel that had descended from heaven at that moment, and Jaehwan almost hesitated to face her...

_Almost_. 

He jogged up to her, stopping just a few inches in front of her beautiful figure. 

"W-why are you here?" he asked, almost caught breathless by the sight of her. He inwardly cursed himself for stumbling over his words. _He should be getting over her by now,_ _damn it_. 

She smiled at him, her dainty lips stretching upward, showing off her cute dimple. "It's nice to see you too, Jaehwan." She said her words with an almost sarcastic tone, like them meeting again wasn't a big deal...

_Like seeing him again didn't affect her in any way_. 

But of course, why would it? They had broken up. 

They weren't a thing anymore. 

Their relationship was in the past. 

Gone. 

Forgotten. 

_Nonexistent_. 

Jaehwan didn't even reply to her greeting. He just wanted to know why she was currently standing in front of him - why she was even _around_ him - in that moment.

Did she want to get back together?

Did she come to tell him that she missed him?

_That she still loved him_? 

"But...to answer your question, I came to say goodbye," Jae-Yi began, pausing to catch his gaze. Her brown eyes were so deep and full of a storm of emotions - _a storm that Jaehwan had obviously lost the battle to_. "And I also came to thank you - for everything that you've done for me. I know things didn't work out between us, but I hope that you can believe me when I say that I genuinely enjoyed the time that I spent getting to know you, _Jae_." 

_Jae_. 

_Jae_. 

_Jae_. 

His mind chanted the name over and over again in a sickening way. 

_And he hated every damn minute of it_. 

She said his nickname so lightly, so... _passively_ , like it hadn't held so much power over Jaehwan when they were still in a relationship with one another. Like she _hadn't_ used that name to get him to buy her things and visit places with her when he didn't want to. It was always the word of endearment that she had used to get her way with him - and Jaehwan never complained...even _if_ she was slowly emptying his pockets and resources. 

"What are you talking about?" he managed to ask after a few beats of silence on his part. He didn't understand what she was saying. _He didn't **want** to understand what she was saying_. "Where are you going?" 

She flashed him another one of her timid smiles, before gripping the purse that currently hung over her shoulders, the thick leather strap just a little tighter in her small palms. "I _mean_ , I'm leaving South Korea indefinitely. I found a good-paying job in America, and my parents are encouraging me to move out of my house here in the village and strive for my dreams of being a successful newscaster." 

Jae-Yi explained the whole situation with such a light tone...with such _ease_.

_But with every word that flowed from her soft lips, she stabbed another spear into Jaehwan's already-bleeding heart._

It felt like someone was driving a cold blade through his chest and twisting it again and again - relentlessly, without stopping. It felt like someone was holding his broken-piece-of-a-heart in a vice grip, squeezing the little remaining life out of it. 

Jaehwan _wasn't_ stupid. 

_No, he was the opposite of that... **anything** but that_. 

He _knew_ that it was over between the two of them, he _knew_ that Jae-Yi was never going to turn around and run back into his arms like he had always saw in those sappy American romance movies - if he knew anything about Jae-Yi, it was that she'd never do something as ridiculous as that. 

She was no liar, and she sure as hell never took-back her words. 

What she said is what she meant, and if you didn't like what she meant, then you'd have to suck-it-up or _get lost_. 

And Jaehwan was _positive_ that he was the latter. 

But even still...even though he _knew_ that they'd never get back together again, Jaehwan liked the thought of Jae-Yi still living in the same country as him. 

He liked the absurd thought that he'd sometimes get when walking through the busy streets of Seoul - like how maybe, _just maybe_ , he'd bump into her one day, and he'd get to see her exquisite face one more time. Or he'd see her in passing at the bus stop just outside of their village. 

He liked the thought of her always being around. He didn't have to see or hear or feel her to know that she was still living in the area - because everywhere she walked, she left a golden trail of light; seeped in happiness and laughter. And all he'd have to do was follow that pathway to feel close to her once more. 

_That was seemingly the one thing keeping Lee Jaehwan sane_. 

But if she left the of the country alltogether, he wouldn't be able to feel her; or follow her path, anymore. And Jaehwan _knew_ that he'd slowly begin to go insane from the lack of her just _living_ around him. 

Was he delusional for thinking all of those things? Maybe. 

Or maybe, Lee Jaehwan had just been so deprived of love for so long, that the moment he caught a glimpse of an amazing girl who cherished and cared for him - the moment he found Jae-Yi - he latched onto that small sliver of light with all of his might.

Maybe her happiness and love was the only thing keeping him alive? 

Maybe Jae-Yi had been the only person in his entire life that had ever truly taken an interest in him? 

Lee Jaehwan didn't know all of the answers, but the one thing he _did_ know was that it was too painful to try and uncover the truth of it all. 

_No_ , the scars hurt too much to be unveiled once more. 

He couldn't survive that. 

_Not then_. 

_Not now_. 

_Not **ever**_. 

" _Jaehwan_? Did you hear me?" Jae-Yi asked worriedly, her words snapping him out of his daze of cloudy thoughts. 

"I heard you," Jaehwan replied in a deathly-low voice, "and that's great, Jae-Yi. I'm happy for you." 

He looked up at her, at the girl that used to love him, _at the girl that he still loved_ , and gave her his best smile. Jaehwan wasn't about to let her last memory of him be of him breaking down in front of her because of all of his emotional scars and pains - both past and present.

_He was stronger than that_. 

"Well, then, I should probably get going," Jae-Yi said in a soft tone, "I've got to catch my flight if I'm to arrive in America on-time." 

She smiled at Jaehwan, and his heart broke just a little bit more, knowing that he'd never get to see that same smile ever again. "Can I hug you? Before you go?" Jaehwan asked suddenly. And even _he_ was stunned by his own words. 

Jae-Yi's eyes widened for only a moment before her brown orbs melted into a sweet light. "Sure, _Jae_ ," she whispered, standing openly for Jaehwan to envelope her in a hug. 

_Their...final hug_. 

Jaehwan came forward and pulled her into a loose hug. It wasn't tight, or demanding, or hot, but it was...sweet, and comforting in a sense. 

He breathed deep, catching the scent of her which was of light flowers and sunshine. He felt Jae-Yi's arms wrap around his waist gently, and he did the same. They rested their chin's atop each other's shoulders, and Jaehwan closed his eyes. 

He promised himself that he'd never forget this moment. 

_That he'd never forget their last goodbye._

_That he'd never forget the way she fit perfectly in his arms._

_That he'd never forget her lovely scent._

_That he'd never forget her soothing voice._

_That he'd never forget her gentle touch._

_That he'd never forget her beautiful face._

_That he'd never forget her sweet spirit._

He'd never forget anything about Jae-Yi, no matter how many years passed. He promised himself that - he _swore_ to himself that he wouldn't. Jaehwan cemented that one moment in his mind, implanting it in his heart and memorizing it with his eyes. And when he'd feel alone and lost in the future, he'd be reminded of this moment, his last moment with Jae-Yi. 

The hug only lasted a few seconds, but to Jaehwan, it felt like an eternity. 

"Goodbye... _Jaehwan_ ," Jae-Yi said after they had pulled away from each other. "It was really nice getting to know you." 

Jaehwan smiled at her, trying to hide the pain that he could feel washing over his features. "Yes, it was great... _knowing_ you." 

He _wanted_ to say more. 

He _wanted_ to will himself to say more than just ' _knowing'_...to say ' _loving'_...

But alas, it was too hard.

It felt like his tongue was made of led and stapled to the bottom of his mouth. He couldn't move it to say anything else in that moment. 

And even though it pained him so much to say the words, he knew that he _had_ to; otherwise, he'd never be able to live with himself if he didn't. 

" _Goodbye, Jae-Yi_." 

She gave him one last smile and a quick wave, before turning slightly, and making her way onto the next bus - the bus headed for the airport in Seoul.

And Jaehwan didn't _dare_ look back.

He couldn't find the strength to watch as the bus drove the love of his life away. He just stayed in that same place near the bus stop, in the same place were he'd first met Jae-Yi three years before. Jaehwan looked at the space before him, at the space where she had just stood a moment before, a bright smile stretching across her delicate lips. 

_She was so happy_. 

_So full of life_. 

_So bright_. 

He stared off into the distance, watching the sun dip behind the billowy clouds, moving slowly. The dull blue sky was painted in soft colors of pinks and purples and yellows, but the colors were beginning to fade as night gradually crept into the atmosphere. 

Jaehwan could feel his heart clench. He could feel the wounded thing stop and then break into a million small fragments once again. 

_It was just the sky_. _Why was he getting so emotional over it_? 

His vision blurred with fresh tears, and before he could hold himself back, he was heaving softly, the warm droplets trickling down his cheeks slowly. 

" _Goodbye_..." he began, his voice breaking at the thought of having to say the next words for the second time that day, but he forced himself to do it anyway, " _Jae-Yi_." 

And it made him feel a little better just saying those two words in finality. _In_ _closure_. 

It wasn't a pretty ending. 

It wasn't a happy ending. 

_Hell_ , it wasn't even a _satisfying_ ending. 

Lee Jaehwan's relationship with Jae-Yi started at this same bus stop and ended at this same bus stop. 

_How ironic_ , he thought to himself. 

But that's life, right? 

Sometimes, you meet people in life, only to have them be taken away by some other force - be it by falling-out-of-love, or death, or some other thing - and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you'll never end up with that person that you love so dearly. 

But that small fragment of happiness and light that they brought into your life is enough to keep you living for the rest of your time here on earth. It might not have been a lot, but it was _just enough_. 

Sometimes, people leave your life for the better of both of you - and in the end, isn't that what matters most? Isn't it better to have the two of you live your lives separately than fight for a love that was never meant to be?

You could remember that person, and who they were, and what they did for you, but it was best to move on from them; eventually. Even if it hurt like _hell_ , it was better than living in sorrow and sadness for the rest of your life. 

_So that's just what Lee Jaehwan did_. 

At that very moment, he decided to let go of Jae-Yi. 

He wouldn't forget her, or the person that she was, or the things that she did for him and the people that she loved, he'd just... _loosen his heart's hold on her_. He would try his very best to slowly start to move on from her - as she had already started doing for him. 

Because, in the end, it was better for the both of them that way. 

_Lee Jaehwan was learning to let go, and that was a beautiful thing - even **if** it __was_ _painful and difficult and ugly_. 

**_~fin_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by Jaehwan's song 'Just for a Moment,' to write this piece.  
> The mv (basically the  
> entire album lol) is a whole masterpiece, and I highly suggest that you go  
> check it out if you haven't already. :) 
> 
> Though I've written things in the past that are  
> sad, I have  
> never worked on a piece like this before; where the ending isn't happy so-  
> to-speak and the main character isn't content in the end. 
> 
> This is a part of a fanfic collab on Twitter, so I had a real blast working and  
> chatting with the other authors for this one collab. This was actually my first  
> ever one with so many writers haha! It was so fun to get to know all of my  
> fellow Starlight-writers, and I enjoyed every minute of complaining about all  
> of the work that we made ourselves do lmao!
> 
> Much love,  
> ~blossom


End file.
